"Upsetting the "normal" while creating the beautiful." Annette Kruschek |
Do you have someone who you are fighting with right now? Someone who has made you SO mad that if you knew you could win you would slap on those giant boxing gloves and give him or her a giant slug right in the kisser! Admit it... you have people in your life that have disappointed you, hurt you, annoyed you, betrayed you and so on. We ALL have. How do you handle it? Do you dream about revenge or crawl inside yourself and cry in pain?
My boxing ring has a variety of opponents in it. One day it could simply be the mail lady for not dropping off my mail due to not leaving her enough space by the curb; the next day it could be an old wound that never got resolved by someone close; but for me, on a regular basis, I am fighting with an opponent called heart disease. Lately most of my days have been in bed due to a terrible fall resulting in multiple fractures on my back. No matter how hard I would like to push past the pain I physically cannot do it. For the first time that I can remember I am being still because movement hurts. While laying in my bed and seeing the exact same sights day in and day out I felt God shout at me. "Are you finally listening? Do you actually hear me this time, Annette? Read the sign you so lovingly picked out for your heart children! You bought it when Clara came home. Remember? You then put Lewis under this sign when he came home and now it has finally been passed on to Evelyn. Read the sign, Annette. "The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be STILL" Take a close look at the picture I attached... The picture above really sums up so much of my internal battle. My fight with heart disease. The camera attached to Evelyn's crib, ( the worry a parent feels about their medically fragile child), the feeding tube and pump (a constant reminder that she is needing extra help not from her parents but rather from medical equipment to get herself stronger). The battle rages on. The battle with heart disease. Dan and I have been putting our boxing gloves on and fighting against a disease that is bigger than us. We tell ourselves we won't be defeated and we won't be pinned to the ground but have you seen our opponent? Heart disease... it comes in taking punches even when we feel we have trained for the fight. Remember the phrase, "pick on someone your own size!" Well, looking at this picture and hearing God shout at me completely reminded me of that this week. God is bigger than any opponent I know. God redeems. God wins in the end, so why it is SO hard for me to hang up my boxing gloves and let God enter the ring and pin heart disease to the ground? Why can't I trust him the way I trust him with other areas of my life? It reminds me of when we tell our own children, "trust me". Each adoption has been a testimony to going "deeper" into the waters. Digging deeper into our faith and watching fear get pinned to the ground. Evelyn's adoption has certainly stepped up our boxing match. We have a bigger opponent this time. We've been in the ring with him before, (heart disease) but this time he has a slightly different look to himself; he's bigger, meaner and honestly more intimidating. Stepping into the ring three years ago with Clara and heart disease we felt prepared for the "knock down". Then Lewis stepped into the ring and we threw on those familiar boxing gloves and went swinging. We cheered in excitement when the bell was rung and Lewis's arm was raised in the air because he pinned that bad boy to the mat. Well, then our sweet Evelyn entered the ring and we passed over the familiar and successful boxing gloves but this time the opponent was MUCH BIGGER. Dan and I looked at one another with complete certainty that God had faith in us. He saw how we played the game and he was pleased BUT he also knew that there would be a time when OUR STRENGTH wasn't what would win the match... it was HIS strength; God's strength. God's promise, "The Lord will FIGHT for you; you need only to be STILL". So here I sit, being STILL with four fractures on my back. I get it God. Thank you. You've been telling me for awhile to be still and watch as YOU do the fighting. It's time to hang up the familiar boxing gloves and take a seat outside of the ring. It's time to see how God handles the biggest opponent we've ever seen. Time to let him show off his greatness and fight for our brave daughter. Evelyn's first two years of her life have been filled with so much struggle and sickness BUT, I repeat BUT they have also been filled with joy, hope, LOVE and fight... oh what FIGHT! Who did that come from? Not me. Not Dan. GOD. He jumped in the ring and has been fighting for her. I just needed to get out of the way and get out of the ring. It's not my fight... it's HIS! The stillness I have had for the past 13 days was a complete eye opener. Stillness clears the cobwebs, quiets the mind and has allowed me to parachute down from a frantic pace and land into God's word. His words this time were, "It's not your fight, Annette. It's mine. Trust me. Let me fight for you; you need only to be still." Finding peace in life means finding stillness. Stillness will not take away heart disease nor will it speed up heart disease. Stillness means I am trusting God. Who are you standing in the ring with right now? Who is your opponent? It's time to get out of the way. Let God hop in the ring and fight for YOU! Do as I did and parachute down from your frantic pace and land safely into his words. Be still. It may feel unnatural and uneasy. It may even feel uncomfortable; speaking from experience I am living in that uncomfortable period right now. Fractures on your back are NO joke but finding peace during this time is priceless. Thank you God for teaching me a lesson and reminding me who is in charge. Take off your boxing gloves friends. It's really not your fight to win. He loves you too much to let you lose.
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AuthorI am a proud Mother to eight children and a wife to my very best friend. I work hard, play hard and love until it hurts. Archives
January 2023
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