"Upsetting the "normal" while creating the beautiful." Annette Kruschek |
These beds are not empty... look closely. Do you see them? Children. Three babies. These could have all been my babies; Clara, Lewis and now Evelyn. This picture speaks truth and reality; the reality of what my children have gone through in the first months of their lives. I wasn't there when they were wheeled into surgery only weeks or months old. I wasn't there when they came out of surgery with tubes hooked up to their chest and monitors closely watching their heart beat. I wasn't there to comfort them, rock them and pray over them. I wasn't there. That scares me and makes me sad at the same time but deep down I know FEAR IS A LIAR.
Fear has a way of stealing your happiness and robbing your rest. Fear can take your breath away and even stop you in your steps. I look at this picture and I love that we have decided to cast our fears into the fire and let it burn into ashes. We chose to make beauty out of those ashes. We chose to bring beauty out of the brokenness. The brokenness of their hearts. It's an interesting thing when you can look at a picture and see two different images. I saw this picture back in February and instantly I felt sad. All I could see were three beds pushed closely together. Three beds with babies who were recovering from surgery alone. Three children living in China without a family. Then I blinked and saw a different image. HOPE. Hope for a future for these babies. Surgeons who performed life-saving surgeries on my children to help save their lives. I choose hope over fear. I haven't shared too much about Evelyn's special needs. We've been busy running to her. Our sweet girl who waits for us has what is called, single ventricle double outlet right. She also has an ear deformity of which we still do not know if she has any hearing in her right ear. Evelyn shares the same scar on her chest that Lewis and Clara both have. One thing is different though... Evelyn is overdue for her next surgery. She needs two more open heart surgeries. That scares me but then I say to myself, "fear, you are a liar." Fear is nothing more than the unknown of her future; but that is God's department. He is in charge of the future. He knows tomorrow not us. Today though, I choose hope. Whatever the future holds for this sweet little girl I do know one thing for certain... she will have a family beside her. A family to hold her. Parents to pass her off to the medical team who is awaiting her arrival home. Siblings who will be by her side when she opens her eyes from surgery and loads of family and friends who will pray over her during those days and weeks of recovery. FEAR, you are a liar because there is hope!!! As I sit behind the safety of my computer and type I am strong. I feel the Holy Spirit lift me up. Words fill my heart and land on my keyboard to create another blog post. More exposure, more support and yes, even more judgement to those "silent bystanders" who watch. Years ago the fear of judgement would have made me second guess my words, our actions and convictions as a family but through our adoptions I have learned that fear is what?... A LIAR! When I see a medical expedite get approved on the US side because my husband emailed our State Representative urging their help to bring this fragile child home I am reminded that we cannot live for the approval of people but rather the approval of what God holds near and dear... orphans and widows. If I would be living for more approval from the naysayers I would not have two children living in our home who have breathed SO much life into our family. Two children whose broken hearts have given us more life than we could have given them. If I would have said no to the fear of my parent's living with us my kids would have missed out on seeing their Grandfather fight such a brave battle with cancer. They would have missed seeing how life becomes full circle when a Grandmother ages before their eyes and now needs help from them. Fear would have kept Evelyn in an orphanage without our family. Fear has lost its strong grip in our family. We are looking surgery, possible sign language and the unknowns square in the eye and saying, "BRING. IT. ON!" The beast named fear is going down. We are chasing it out of our house and we will only welcome HOPE in its place. What is holding you back because of fear? What do you feel has a strong grip in your life? Are you pleasing people or are you choosing to put God first? I am no different than you. I have fears every single day. I want to shake my fists when I feel misunderstood BUT I also know I have someone in my corner fighting away those fears. God. He isn't invisible. Have you really looked for him? He is right there beside you. God is waiting for YOU. Stop waiting on him. Open yourself up to him. Expose your fears to him. Give him your dreams and he will clear a path. Spoiler alert though... it will mean you have to trust him and step out in faith. You won't see the big picture and I will warn you right now that is will come at a cost. Possible pain. Possible loss, possible sweat and tears BUT if you really listen to him he will equip you every step of the way. I am not a liar when I say this... Fear is a liar. Join me today in choosing HOPE. Make your faith larger than your fear. Get out of that boat today...not tomorrow! I encourage you to join me in the waters because that is where God is right now. We're coming Evelyn Li no matter how rough those waters could be... we're coming!!
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AuthorI am a proud Mother to eight children and a wife to my very best friend. I work hard, play hard and love until it hurts. Archives
January 2023
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