"Upsetting the "normal" while creating the beautiful." Annette Kruschek |
Why would you allow to inflict pain and possible loss upon yourself and your children? Why would you risk it again, get out of the boat again, enter deep waters again... why? Where will you find the time? Where will the extra finances come from? When will it be enough?
Where, why, how? Adoption is about family. A forever family. Opening up your home, your heart, your everything for someone who is waiting to be loved. A child waiting. It's truly that simply for me, for my husband, and for our children. A little boy waiting has captured our hearts. He is loved. He is ours and we are his. The road has suddenly become narrow, steep and uncertain. The destination is worth it because the wait will soon be over for this little one... we are coming!!! I promise that the questions you may have are legitimate but please understand that every family has been given a different path in life. Ours may look very different from the mainstream but I assure you that God has promised us that he is paving the way. We need to do what we have in the past... trust and rely on our faith. Everything we have is truly just on loan. God is watching to see what we are doing with the gifts that we have been given. I don't want to waste a moment of my life saying, "I wonder what would have happened if..." or " I wish we would have but...". Being scared is okay in life. Some of my best gifts in life have come by stepping out in faith. In order to be faithful people we must continue to take the first steps, no matter how uncertain they may be. That is why it is called faith. How God chose us and found our little boy is another post. God is in the details. Six months of details that he has sprinkled along our path. Each little disappointment, delay, and sign led us to saying YES to this sweet little one. Stay tuned friends... cuz the apple cart just got a bit more full! I leave tomorrow for China. I will be advocating for children who wait for a family. Our son will no longer wait on this list. Could you possibly have a child waiting for you? I encourage you to follow my journey. Please pray for me since I will be leaving China empty handed. Our son will not be able to come home yet. Our family is praying that the paperwork and the process goes smoothly and quickly.
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Dear younger me,
If I could tell you that twenty five years from now you would have six children and be married to the love of your life would you believe me? As you lay out your outfit to go on your first date with this man you are filled with excitement and wonder. You want the date to be great, but if you realized that this would be the beginning of a journey that would test your true strength and grit in life would you still do it? If I told you that you would become a teacher only to give up your dream job to stay home with your kids, would you still say yes to this date? If I said that you would put off trips, weekends away with friends, and shop only second hand, would you still open the door to his knock? If you knew that you would step boldly out in front of people and allow your life to be viewed as an open book and be okay with judgement, would you sit down with him at dinner? If I told you that you would enjoy going to church and look forward to opening up the bible would you say yes to another date with him? I'm here to tell you dear one that you said YES to it all! You allowed yourself to walk down a path that is more narrow and bumpy that you envisioned 25 years ago. You said yes to a first of many dates with now your husband and best friend. You chose love over comfort. You chose risk over playing it safe. You gave up things only to have MUCH MORE given back to you. You did it! You stayed in the game even when things weren't fair, even when the hurt and pain felt as if it would never go away you kept pulling yourself up and dusting yourself off. Dear younger me, I am so proud of you for saying yes to this date 25 years ago. I NEVER would have believed that this life you described would be mine. ALL the loudness, messiness, painful, frightful, and FAITHFUL...ALL of it is mine. All because I said yes to a dinner at a small Chinese restaurant 25 years ago on September 18th in 1991. You, my younger me need to know that you will be the happiest you have EVER been right here, right NOW. Here is a picture of what "not upsetting the apple cart" looks like. Hence the reason for the name of my blog. Back in April of 2015 Dan and I sat across from our social worker from our adoption agency and those were the words that came out of my mouth when describing the child we were open to adopting. You see, in the adoption world an adoptive parent is given a medical checklist. Items on that list range from cleft lip/palate to terminal. It is the job of a parent to check items that you would be willing to discuss in order to be "matched" with a child. Speaking from experience, and filling this checklist out twice, I know the struggle and the guilt you feel when saying yes and no to certain conditions. That day back in April I remember talking about our "checklist" and letting our social worker know that my plate was very full with five children, a husband who travels frequently and a Mother who now lives with us. I continued to say I don't think my children could handle a sibling with major medical needs and I didn't know how I would handle frequent doctor appointments, major surgeries and of course every parents nightmare... the death of a child.
Little did I know, at that moment I was not arguing with her but rather with myself. Her only comment to me was, "aren't you already doing that?" Me, "Um... no." She continued to say, " Well, don't you already take your Mom to a variety of doctors appointments, haven't you been by her side when she was taken to the hospital and weren't you there when your Father passed away in your home?" Speechless.... that was my reaction. No words came out. No excuses. Nothing. At that moment I do believe my social worker wasn't speaking to me but rather God was speaking. Those words followed me out the door, back to the checklist and to the "waiting child" page. Those words found our little girl who we proudly named Clara. I look forward to showing you how beautiful life is when you "get out of the boat", "step out of your comfort zone" and love until it truly hurts. Thank you for choosing to join me on my journey. If you find yourself intrigued then allow yourself to be brave and do what that little voice inside of you has been begging to do. Go ahead, upset the apple cart! It may look broken and chaotic at times but it is as sweet as a red delicious!! |
AuthorI am a proud Mother to eight children and a wife to my very best friend. I work hard, play hard and love until it hurts. Archives
January 2023
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