"Upsetting the "normal" while creating the beautiful." Annette Kruschek |
A WISH was born and granted from this simple yet very powerful photograph.
Almost two years ago Lewis found himself running the shores of the "big water", (as he likes to call it). Those sweet little toes touching the sand for the first time and the pure excitement in his eyes when looking at the beauty of the ocean was a snapshot in my mind that I will never forget. Almost two years ago Lewis ran the shores of the "big water" with the seagulls. At the time those pesky seagulls were only interested in one thing... Lewis's chip. It's a memory our family all watched play out before our very eyes. A seagull swooped down and snatched Lewis's beloved Dorito from his fingertips only to leave Big Lou empty handed. To know Lewis you would know that he is VERY specific about his food. He's like our little food critic. He loves to talk about it, eat it and save it. I am sure you can imagine his response when a pesky bird stole his precious snack without asking. He was M-A-D! Fast forward to this past winter... I found myself entertaining Lewis while he took his evening bath. This particular night Lewis noticed his swimming trunks hanging on the hook behind me. He very assertively said, "Mom, I want to go back to the 'big water' again. I want to go to that place. I want to feed a bird my chip." It took me a bit to really figure out what he was meaning but when I finally pieced it all together I knew he had remembered the moment that is pictured above; running the shores of the ocean with a smile bigger than life. His comment never left my mind. In fact I found it quite funny... the boy who never wants to share even a morsel was willing and even insisting on sharing his beloved chip with a pesky seagull. Well, weeks later Lewis had a doctor appointment with his cardiologist and he mentioned the bird, the "big water" and the chip. With those three words a WISH was formed many months ago and only weeks ago his WISH was GRANTED! Make A Wish... Three words I never envisioned would be a part of our family's story. In order to be eligible certain criteria needs to be met... a critical illness meaning progressive, degenerative or malignant condition that is placing the child's life in jeopardy. It's a club I never thought my children would be in. Years ago when envisioning being a Mother I never imagined my life the way it has played out. This "club" as I call it has a name... heart disease. It's scary, it's dangerous, it's risky and it's full of unknowns. Palliative Care Heart Transplant Single Ventricle These three words one could say describe all three of my heart children. BUT turn those three words inside out and what do you get... Medical Miracles HOPE Faith Over Fear I am an open book when it comes to questions about heart disease and the diagnosis of Clara, Lewis and Evelyn. Yes, it is their story and I am respectful of sharing only the details regarding their treatments, surgeries and hope for the future. Where I put a stop to the conversation is when people approach me in front of my kids and ask me why we willingly "took this on". My children have big beautiful ears and I promise they are listening to those types of questions. In our house we live on HOPE and live life for each day. No one is promised tomorrow. No matter how many kale smoothies and how many vitamins you take in a day I promise you are no more certain of tomorrow than my heart warriors. The only thing that Dan and I can control is how well we love. Lewis was granted his Make A Wish not because he is currently "sick" but rather because there is no "cure" for his heart condition. Clara, Lewis and Evelyn are considered "palliative care". This word almost turned me away from saying yes to Clara when we began our research into her heart condition. THANK GOD I listened to my wise husband years ago. That yes years ago has resulted in SO MANY memories and two additional brave souls into our family. September 8th our entire family will board two different planes enroute to the same destination... sand, ocean and seagulls. We're packing our bathing suits and filling our minds with only one thing FAMILY TIME. It's Lewis's time to SHINE. We will follow him around while he feeds his chip to the seagulls, eats ice cream for breakfast, rides a water slide or two and watches beautiful fireworks light up the sky. It's time that ALL my kids see that HOPE exists and LOVE WINS! To all those brave members who have walked the Make A Wish journey ahead of our family... it is an honor to be in your "club". God sees our journey and has never left us. Putting faith in front of fear is the motto our family will continue to live by. I only have one thing left to say... thank you to that pesky seagull for stealing Lewis's chip years ago. That small moment in time has blossomed into a WISH more grand than anyone in our family could imagine!!
0 Comments
Those three little words... "I'm not afraid".
Life changing. Encouraging. Beautiful. My Mom left me a gift before she passed. Only days before she passed she proved to me that heaven exists. Having a Mother as your roommate for six years you tend to get closer than close. Some days we would laugh at how we could finish a sentence for each other and other days we could cry with how we could sense sadness that would reside in our hearts due to my Dad and her soulmate passing away years prior. For those of you who never had the pleasure of meeting my Mom, I'm so sorry... she was a gift. She was a treasure. She was funny. She was unique and she was faithful. Wow, did she love God. She was devoted to her faith, her prayers and her relationship with the Holy family; but with everything in life she also had fears. She wrestled privately with one of her biggest worries... would she see God? Would she "really" see my Dad when her time would come to leave this earth? There were nights when we would be watching television together and out of the blue my Mom would look over at me and say, "are you sure?" There I would sit wondering... what? Am I sure I locked the doors? Turned off the oven? her response, "No, are you sure I'll see Bernie? How do you really know I'll see God?" That type of conversation would pop up out of the blue and now as I look back on our years together those conversations seemed to pop up more regularly over the last year of her life. I spent a lot of time reassuring my Mom, (the faithful leader of our family) that she didn't need to be afraid. I reminded her of the final days and hours of my Dad. I reminded her of all the "signs" and "love notes" my Dad left for her after he passed. I would recite scripture about not being afraid. I knew my Mom's faith was strong but I also knew she had a human struggle that was so real and raw on certain days. All I could do was be the voice to her prayers that she would faithfully pray day after day. Reminders that God was faithful. God would never abandon her and that he had chosen her to live with him forever. Fast forward to July 12th, 2018 (three days before my Mom passed). My Mom was on her way to heaven's gates. She had led our family days before down a path that only God could ordain. She ushered her family to her bedside for days, (11 to be exact) to give us the opportunity to share in her faith, witness God in action and yes, to cry at the upcoming departure of one of my most favorite people in the entire world. This particular day though my Mom whispered three little words to me. I heard it as if she had a megaphone attached to her mouth, instead it was quiet, faint but yet clear. My Mom whispered, "I'm not afraid." she then said, "I see him. The anticipation I felt for her at that moment was overwhelming. She wasn't afraid! She saw "him" was it my Dad? Was it God? It didn't matter to me because she said the three little words... "I'm not afraid". My Mom continued to gift us three more days of beautiful glimpses of heaven on her journey. Finally on July 15th of 2018 her work on this earth was complete. God called her and she bravely began her eternal life with him. I have no doubt my Mom is in heaven. She has sent me some very specific hugs from heaven reminding me that she is near. Heaven is near. I smile and cry at the thought of her love and her closeness. The year anniversary of her death was the hardest anniversary. I handled many "firsts" without her this year but the "11 day journey" she took us on was so hard for me. I wanted those days back in the biggest way. I yearned for her and for those glimpses of heaven. My faith is strong but this past July there were days that I definitely wrestled with my sadness. I wanted my Mom. If I allowed myself to walk down that slippery slope of faith I would find myself sad at the fact that she was no longer here; she entered the gates only for me to be here on the other side wondering when the next time I would get close to her again. BUT then a hug from heaven would find its way to my heart and I would replace my sadness with her reminder of "I'm not afraid". Those three words. What a gift. Thanks to my talented cousin I will forever wear my Mom's words on my wrist. "I'm not afraid." The cuff bracelet is a reminder that she is in heaven. She is at peace. I cannot imagine a better gift given. Moving forward without her earthly body is different. Our house feels different. Holidays look different. My time during the day is different. Different is scary at times but knowing my Mom isn't afraid will be my life motto from now on... "I'm not afraid". I can't promise that I will be getting on the next roller coaster BUT I will be following God's call out into the deep waters of life. I've faced some pretty scary giants over the last several years. The more I walk in faith the larger the giants become. BUT God has made promises; the same promises that I would remind my Mom. As I sit with my fingers to the keyboard tonight I find myself 6,000 miles away in a different country with my oldest child...Israel. Talk about facing your fears... she did it head on. She answered a calling that I know God planted years ago. God allowed me to join her in a country I never imagined I would visit. I chuckle at God's sense of humor yet reminder of his love... Israel, the country where David fought the "Giant". A boy with a slingshot who chose to stand boldly in faith went on to become the most well-known king of Israel. Israel. Yup, got it God. He brought me to the Holy land most likely for multiple reasons of which I'm figuring out but one that cannot be denied is to continue to fight my giants. A giant can be as big as you make it to be. Grab your slingshot and stare that giant in the face. Live your life knowing that your eternal life is waiting for you. Live life knowing that you will see your loved ones again. Live a life that blesses other people and leaves a legacy when you are no longer on this side. My Mom and Dad are waiting for me. I look forward to seeing their faces again but I know God isn't through with me yet. Thank you Mom. Thank you for your three words that will get me through the challenges of life... "I'm not afraid." This post is dedicated to those of you who are struggling with the loss of a loved one. Whether it be a family member, a neighbor, or a friend named, Millie; remind yourself that they are near. Heaven is near. God is near. Live a life that would make them proud. |
AuthorI am a proud Mother to eight children and a wife to my very best friend. I work hard, play hard and love until it hurts. Archives
January 2023
|