"Upsetting the "normal" while creating the beautiful." Annette Kruschek |
"A picture is worth a thousand words." That saying couldn't be more true. A thousand words doesn't come close to explaining our relationship or the love I have for this woman. Though we were 45 years apart in age we made up for it with our similar love for thrift shops, garage sales, early morning walks, devotion to prayer and of course our love for McDonald's diet cokes. It was our daily outing together... hitting the drive thru and ordering "one senior diet coke and one large diet coke". We couldn't peel the straw wrapper off fast enough to see who would get the first sip. It was serious business. I can still hear her elation when she would take in her first sip. The smile. The sound. The pure joy about something so very simple.
The picture above holds two special stories that are near and dear to my heart. The photo you see of my Mom and I is the last picture I ever took of us. In fact, it was our first and last "selfie". This picture was taken at Charlie's graduation party; little did I know that only two weeks later she would be beginning her journey to her forever home. The two diet cokes you see behind us were our final diet cokes; which leads me to our final toast... it was unconventional but it was definitely God ordained. It was in the back of an ambulance. My Mom was in the final days of her life and no longer wanted to be in the hospital. Her wishes were to be in her home when she passed. The morning arrived when the transport team showed up at the hospital and very respectfully loaded her into the ambulance. I was fortunate to have the final ride with my Mom. It was a thirty minute ride that will forever be a gift. We shared whispered words about the silliest things; she wanted to know what landmarks we were passing, what exit number we were approaching, what direction we were driving. While my Mom's body was at it weakest her mind never lost its incredible sharpness. The God ordained moment came in the back of the ambulance when I jokingly said to my Mom, "Wouldn't it be nice to have a McDonalds diet coke right about now?" No sooner did those words leave my mouth did I hear the co-pilot quietly say to the driver, "hey what do you think?" Within 15 minutes of that statement we found ourselves in the parking lot of our local McDonalds. I ran inside and saw the familiar faces of those who normally would greet us at the drive thru. Their friendly smiles instantly turned to sadness when I explained why I was coming inside to retrieve our diet cokes. The staff walked over to the large windows to see an ambulance triple parked awaiting cold diet cokes. While filling up the diet cokes I grabbed my phone to take a picture of the moment. The timestamp on my phone was 11:11 am. To many this doesn't mean anything but to my inner circle of family it was a significant time that has always been discussed... it was the time that I was born. My Mom always made sure to shout out when she would see it. My kids say, "make a wish" when they see it. I don't believe it was an accident that at exactly 11:11 am I was preparing the final toast for my Mom and I. Which leads me to our toast. It wasn't as I envisioned it. It wasn't filled with tears. It was exactly as my Mom would want it... humorous, unconventional, understated and semi-private. The icing on the cake was when we clinked our cardboard cups together and I told her that our beloved diet cokes were free! The smile on her weak face still had light in it. She was still my Mom and nothing stood in the way of that sweet moment together. Mother's day is approaching for many across the globe this weekend. While it's a happy time for many it's also a bittersweet time for some. I am here to tell you a few things that I no longer have the ability to do anymore. Sip a diet coke together, listen to her call out road signs during our afternoon drives, laugh at re-runs of our favorite Seinfeld episodes. I miss her voice. I miss our daily times together. I miss it all. The hard. The sleepless nights. The worries. If you are fortunate to have a Mother use this weekend to toast to her. Use this time to ask her questions about her childhood. Tape her voice. Take those pictures. Laugh together. If your relationship is strained, I am sorry for that. Forgiveness is a beautiful thing. It doesn't mean you forget the hurts it means you are willing to open your heart to new possibilities. Don't let a day go because you truly never know when it will be the last. If your Mother left you for reasons you may never understand and you have no way of contacting her I am also sorry for that. I have eight beautiful children; four of which who call me Mom but somewhere in the world they have birth Moms who carry the ache and mystery of their children. We are all on this planet because of a Mother. The story behind each Mother is different; some beautiful, some broken but all holding one thing in common... they all carried us in their womb and gave us life. If you can no longer toast to your own Mother please find a Mother that you admire or one that is lonely and send them some virtual love this weekend. Everyone deserves love. This weekend more than ever let's not let politics, past hurts or bitterness get in the way of bridging the gap. Fill that space with love. Sunday I'll be purchasing a senior diet coke and a large diet coke. I won't be sharing it with my Mom BUT I will be sharing it with someone who doesn't try to take her space; she actually fills it differently in the best way possible... my Mother-in-law. I don't deserve her but God knew one day my heart would be broken so he found someone to help heal the wound. Carmen, if you are reading this; you are a gift to me. You love unconditionally. You live life to its fullest and you ask for nothing in return. You deserve all the happiness the world has to offer. Thank you for loving me. Happy Mother's Day. Happy Mother's Day to all of my beautiful readers who continually walk my road of both pain and love. It's messy at times but it's also a road worth walking. Stay on the path my friends you never what lies ahead.
0 Comments
|
AuthorI am a proud Mother to eight children and a wife to my very best friend. I work hard, play hard and love until it hurts. Archives
January 2023
|