"Upsetting the "normal" while creating the beautiful." Annette Kruschek |
I'm moving away from my adoption world to talk about something else that is near and dear to my heart. My Mom. I had a huge "ah ha" moment this morning while standing over my kitchen sink. HUGE. For those who are visiting my blog for the first time, my Mom lives with our family. She is 89 years young and she is truly my greatest inspiration in life. My Mom suffers from parkinson's disease and needs daily care. I would think that many people who are 89 would need and should receive care. Their age is allowed them to "wear the badge" proudly.
Getting back to my "ah ha" moment. Today I was busily scrubbing a stain off one of my Mom's shirts. While I was applying stain remover to the shirt a memory popped into my head. A very clear memory of when I was a child. I could picture it perfectly...my Mom leaning over our bathtub with one of my shirts that had been soaking in the tub. She would take Fels-Naptha soap (oh yeah, the good stuff) and scrub feverishly back and forth until the stain would finally disappear. Without a word the shirt would appear back in my closet; washed, dried and folded. I realized this morning that life has come full circle for me. I am doing things for my Mom that she did for me as a child. She cleaned my clothes, made my meals, brushed my hair, drove me to events, kept me company, wiped my wounds and yes, cheered me up when I was sad. Our family is in the season of doing these things for her rather than her doing them for us anymore. I realize we do not all come from the same backgrounds. Look at my babies. Three of my children will most likely never know their birthmother. You may have a relationship that was strained with a parent. Life is not perfect. Life is messy. Life is full of disappointments and memories that we would not like to relive BUT life also goes on. Life is about making the most of each day and not living in the past. If you are a someone who had a childhood of sadness I am sorry for that. I am also sorry if you have had to bury a parent or parents. I know very well how hard and life changing that loss is. I think that many of us can agree that we would like to do certain things differently when we grow up and have a family. BUT let's also remember that these parents of ours gave us the gift of life. This gift has allowed us to have experiences, create relationships, start a family, live dreams and seek happiness. This gift came from our parents. I look at my Mom and I see how life has come full circle. I see how at times she is "child like" and I do not mean that condescending but rather as a fact. I remain patient when she starts talking about something out of the blue. I'm okay if she would like to just read street signs out loud loud rather than talk to me while riding in the car. I remind myself that one day I will be that 89 year old woman sitting in the chair, looking forward to solving the Wheel of Fortune puzzle, eating a dish of melted chocolate ice cream. I will be her someday. We will all become old someday. I pray that my children will scrub my shirt, bandage my cut and sit on the couch and watch old reruns with me someday. If we could all see the older, (I try to stay away from the word elderly) as our own children I think we would all be a bit more patient, a bit more loving and a bit more compassionate to their needs. While we are busy creating memories with our own children our parents are busy getting older. Memories shouldn't stop when a parent gets older. In fact, that is when we should be busy cramming the memories in since we do not know what tomorrow holds for them. I can tell you from firsthand experience that my Mom still loves attention. She still loves to have her family want to spend time with her, laugh with her and share memories with her. I can only imagine the heartache she still feels on a daily basis now that my Dad has passed away. Their marriage was a beautiful partnership. Beautiful and long. 61 years to be exact. Can you imagine the hole that is left in her heart right now? Imagine having your circle of friends slowly pass away and dwindle down to only a select few. This is what her reality is. This will one day be our reality. I pray that your relationship with your aging parents is healthy. If it isn't... it isn't too late to mend. Don't spend life being angry or frustrated about how things "should have been" begin living how life "can be". Be the light in their life right now. Living a life of service doesn't mean you are less of a person. emptying yourself for the good of another person doesn't mean that you are putting yourself last but rather you are putting someone first. Someone who gave you the gift of life. Someone who isn't promised tomorrow. If you no longer have a parent to share that love with find someone who is need of that love. There are plenty of older people out there just waiting for company. A phone call. A warm cup of coffee and a fresh newspaper. Or maybe just a warm body in the same room. Be that person. It will probably end up changing you more than it changes them. You will be amazed at how quickly "the past" melts away. Don't live a life of regrets because in the end you get to choose. Choose wisely. As for me, I will continue to apply soap to that stain and smile since I still have a stain to wipe off of her shirt. You are loved Mom. As for you Dad, I thank you for nudging me to write this and pass it on. You are loved and missed everyday.
6 Comments
KT
3/16/2017 02:29:28 pm
YOU ARE SO AMAZING! LOVE YOU
Reply
Maribeth
3/16/2017 03:19:31 pm
Annette that is very well put. That's why I love to come up there,spend time with mom,even it is to come up watch old reruns go to st Vinny's or just go get a senior diet Coke
Reply
Cyndi Kennedy
3/16/2017 04:32:02 pm
You know I'm crying right now, and you know why...I went car shopping with my Mom, first car she bought without my dad, took her picture and sent it out to her friends and my siblings...just like she would have done for me years ago, if we had had cell phones.
Reply
MLL
3/16/2017 04:34:03 pm
Wow! So beautifully said. I proudly use fels- naptha soap in honor of my mom.....it does work. I smile every time I use it.
Reply
Vicki
3/17/2017 05:36:00 am
Annette,
Reply
Patty shepard pruitt
3/17/2017 06:50:51 pm
I don't know what to say
Reply
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorI am a proud Mother to eight children and a wife to my very best friend. I work hard, play hard and love until it hurts. Archives
January 2023
|