"Upsetting the "normal" while creating the beautiful." Annette Kruschek |
On your third birthday I reflect on your life. I remember the words of a well respected cardiologist, "Do not adopt her, she will be a financial hardship to your family". "She will not survive". These words are engrained on my mind and on my heart. These words, your "death sentence" was relayed over the phone to me. I remember it oh so well... I held the phone in one hand and in the other I started writing words on a pad of paper. Then I looked up at my beloved husband and shook my head no. Fear and sadness filled my mind. I got off the phone and said to my husband, "it wasn't good. In fact it was very bad. He said she wouldn't survive. She would be a financial burden. The doctor asked if we "have to" adopt her."
These are the moments in a marriage that Dan and I shine. My husband and I "get each other". We've been married just shy of 20 years and sometimes no words are needed. We both walked away from the conversation saying nothing. Yes, nothing. It wasn't until 2 hours later when we were getting ready for bed that Dan as a 'matter of factly' said, "who are we to choose her 20 years? If that is all she has why do we have the right to say no?" With that statement we moved forward and NEVER looked back. Have I ever spoke to that cardiologist again... you bet! In fact we celebrated Clara's 2nd birthday last year driving 75 miles to surprise him in his office by showing him our "financial burden". I can tell you that there were tears and shock when he realized that she was standing right in front of him. He hugged me and apologized for ever telling us not to adopt her. He immediately pulled out his fancy flip phone and began taking pictures of our sweet little girl. He was in awe of her presence. He was changed. His heart was moved. Clara has this affect on people. When people learn about her heart condition they stop, stare and begin to ask me questions. The first one being, "Did you know she was sick when you adopted her?" The second one, "isn't it expensive to adopt?" I don't have enough space on this blog to tell you the countless conversations I have had about the "cost" to people. Dear friends, the "cost" isn't what makes Dan and I say yes or no to our three adopted children. The "cost" is something you place on "items". Clara's birthday present... her little pink tricycle that she will be proudly pedaling down the driveway "cost" something. The countless packages of sugarless gum she chews "costs" something. The piles and piles of paperwork, background checks, social worker fees, agency fees, orphanage donations, plane tickets, hotel reservations... all these... all "costs". The "cost" that our family has taken on is within our hearts. The emptying of ourselves rather than our bank account. The cost is walking the narrow road that isn't viewed as common or "safe" but rather because it leads us to you. The cost is watching older siblings say no to "me" time so that they can give more of "their time" to one another. The cost is not knowing when the next time you will snuggle next to your husband because you now have a new little body that has taken residence in your bed because he is too frightened to sleep alone for fear he will lose the security of having parents for the first time. The cost is fatigue, end of your rope patience and days of fear for the upcoming surgeries that are approaching. The "cost" is also smiles from my babies who had to leave their birth country, leave either a beloved Foster Mother or Nanny, leave their native language and start new. The cost in those regards is high. SO high. Have my children blossomed? Yes. Do they still struggle with fear of abandonment? Yes. Do we continue to empty our hearts instead of our bank accounts for these beautiful three? Without a doubt! The cost to receive their love is free and it is worth MILLIONS when you hear an "I love you" out of nowhere from a spirited yet emotionally timid 6 year old. When you feel a small little hand reach for your arm in the middle of the night to draw you close... priceless. When you see fear evolve into confidence from a tiny one who is preparing for heart surgery. The confidence that can only come from being the "bigger sister"; the "twin" to her brother who will be walking the exact same medical path... all of this, worth millions. Clara's diagnosis I am certain was to show us that there was another boy waiting for his family... our family. Clara needed to open our hearts, empty us of all confidence and prove to us that real love is not afraid to bleed. We'll chase them through the pain. We'll open our hearts, risk whatever lies ahead because THEY ARE WORTH IT! When deciding if the "cost" is too high with regards to adoption. Ask yourself rather if you are willing to empty yourself for the good of another. Not your back account. Money can be earned but a fragile life cannot wait until you're "financially in a better place". Search yourself. Search your willingness to love. Love is free. Risking hurt and loss is expensive but OH SO WORTH IT. If you see me out and about please try to not ask how expensive adoption is in front of my adopted children. They are people not items. I am sure your intentions come from a place of pure curiosity but they come from a place of loss and fear. They are my babies from another selfless mother. That is priceless. Happy Birthday to the little girl who wasn't supposed to be here. Happy 3rd Birthday to my walking little miracle who will continue to change lives and hearts by her mere presence on this earth. We love you. I love you. I will continue to empty myself for you so you can have another day to experience real and undying love!
1 Comment
Joe
5/19/2017 06:15:49 am
The "cost" is also selflessly opening up the wimdow to your heart through your writings so that others can come to a fuller understanding of what unconditional love really is. You are truly what is possible if you allow Him to work through you. God bless, momma.
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AuthorI am a proud Mother to eight children and a wife to my very best friend. I work hard, play hard and love until it hurts. Archives
January 2023
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