"Upsetting the "normal" while creating the beautiful." Annette Kruschek |
,Life has moved at lightening speed. Flashes of memories suddenly stop me in my tracks and for a moment I am back to when you were 5 years old watching Dragon Tales with your brother, Charlie by your side. The images are like flashes of lightening... doll strollers, plastic bags filled to the brim with your favorite things, drawings upon drawings of rainbows, hearts and "I love you Mommy", Episodes of Clifford while eating rolled up salami at your TV tray, mud pies and wet swimsuits in the backyard, chestnut picking and eating from your beloved currant bush... all of these flashes of lightening pierce my heart and create happiness and sadness in the same moment.
Life is interesting. You go from waiting for the moment when your baby will sleep through the night to laying awake at night waiting for the sound of the garage door to go up and hearing the familiar footsteps walk through the house. I remember craving "me time" to begging for "you time". T-ball trophies to FBLA National officer positions. Walking to the park to venturing to the desolate villages of Guatemala. All moments equally important. All these moments remind me that some of the smallest moments in life end up being the big moments within my mind. I feel as though I am the only Mother on the planet preparing for my daughter to leave the comforts of home and head off to college. My head says she is ready but my heart begs for more time. I'm racing against a clock that just keeps ticking. I ask myself what will I miss the most... her smile, her knack for knowing how to read my mind, the walking mess, the way she loves her siblings. I keep coming back to one thing... her sweet, sweet voice that ALWAYS says, "Hi Mom!" when walking through the door and greeting me at my usual spot in the kitchen. Her presence. Her messiness. Her upbeat nature. All of this will be missed and cherished. It's not a lie that we are close. Thicker than thick. Our relationship resembles the relationship I have with my Mother. Common respect. True love and an understanding of one another that is unique and too hard to put into words. God knew all along what he was doing when he chose Hattie as the oldest of the siblings. He KNEW that she would pave the way. She would be an example of what it means to put the needs of others above herself. I watch her when she isn't looking and I see how hard she works at schoolwork that doesn't always come easy but she excels above all the trials. The relationships that have failed in the past and those that have continued over time. I watch her and her love for people and I am SO proud of this young woman. Having seven children I am always evaluating and re-evaluating how I am doing as a Mom. Have I filled up their love tanks? Who seems to be missing out on the attention? Who needs a break from all of the loudness? Who needs their world to become more small so they can focus? These questions never stop. Parenting never stops. That is why this milestone that is quickly approaching has caught me completely off guard. My little girl is venturing off to college. She is making a name for herself. I am still her Mother. I will FOREVER be her Mother to come to in times of heartache and happiness, in times when she needs advice or a very good back scratch. I will be here. She may be miles away but the relationship will NEVER stop. Change in scary. Life never stops for us to finally get comfortable with the change. In order to make the most out of our lives we need to accept the changes with grace and look for all of the blessings that lie within the changes. This summer has been a perfect example of accepting changes and making the most out of our family situation. Lewis's open heart surgery was July 5th and we are just finding our way back to living in our home as a family. That was not what Dan and I had initially planned. When we scheduled the two surgeries for Lewis and Clara we asked Hattie if she would be willing to forego her current job and watch her siblings while we were in the hospital. We thought it would be a total of 3 weeks. Well, 3 weeks turned into 6 weeks. Six weeks that she helped our family. Six weeks that she was able to make lasting memories, be an example, share laughs and even tears with her siblings. God knew that she needed to be with us more this summer. Were the circumstances perfect... no; but God never calls us to do something that is "perfect". He takes the broken and makes it beautiful. He took the broken hearts of both Clara and Lewis and turned it into lasting memories for our entire family. My daughter will not have memories of vacationing and sightseeing with her family this year BUT she will have memories of family and watching her parents fight like crazy to keep the ship floating even when at times it felt like it was taking on water. My prayer for you Hattie is that you live authentically. Be who God called you to be. I see that person and I am SO proud. Thank you Hattie for reminding me that your siblings will be okay. I need not be so hard on myself because my house is not dust free and that I have more kid artwork around the house than the average person. I have frames upon frames of the young and the old version of you throughout the house. I need these reminders. Everyone needs the reminders of how quickly time flashes before our very eyes. You are my constant reminder because as you venture off to college you leave behind six siblings... two of which are only three... 3!! This little age was the age when you were painting me "I love you Mommy" pictures. I get to experience these pictures all over again and again with your littlest of siblings. The refrigerator will continue to get filled. The mud pies will still be made. Your same "favorite" bedtime books will continue to be read and the same songs will continue to be belted out in the van. All of these things will be reminders of you and your presence within our home. Hattie, this Thursday I will grab my Kleenex and hop in the filled van with you and your Dad and I will cry. I promise to keep the ugly cry to a minimum but the tears will flow easily that day. You and I both know that it will be hard to say goodbye but we also know that it is time. You are more than ready to make a mark in this world. Your mark has already been made but now you get to really put the added touches on that mark. Make it shine! Go after every little adventure that awaits you. Stare the fear of the unknown in the eyes and have the last word. As we hug on Thursday and say our goodbye know that underneath all of my tears is SO MUCH PRIDE. It would be unfair to clip the wings of a bird from flying so that is why I will open my embrace and let you fly into this new chapter of your life. Soar beautiful one. Fly to the highest of heights. We will be here watching and waiting for your return. You are loved Hattie Elizabeth. Let the journey begin. I have one final question. It's a serious one... how often can I call, text and visit?
1 Comment
Joe
8/18/2017 08:52:43 pm
This expression of your true love and bond is surely something that Hattie will read over and over again throughout the years. Why do I believe this? It's because you and Dan have done such an amazing job of teaching your kids how to open their hearts and let His love shine through. Well done mama.
Reply
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorI am a proud Mother to eight children and a wife to my very best friend. I work hard, play hard and love until it hurts. Archives
January 2023
|