"Upsetting the "normal" while creating the beautiful." Annette Kruschek |
Something we all share in common... waiting. Waiting for the light to turn green, our coffee to finish brewing, the dreaded commercial to end so we can get back to our favorite tv show, the weekend to arrive, our kids to finally sleep through the night, the the paperwork to process... all of this, waiting.
I am right there. I'm in the waiting room. I'm on the outside waiting for my baby to be carried through the doors and handed over to me. My waiting room is here... at home. My waiting room on US soil while my beloved husband, 10 year old son and sweet Mother-n-law travel across the world to bring our little boy home. A piece of background some of you may not know about me is that I continually say to everyone I love, "well, if it didn't work out then it wasn't meant to be" or "that was a total sign from God". I have been blessed enough, (I don't use the word "lucky" since there is NO luck involved when it comes to what happens in our lives) to see how God always works everything out. The good. The bad. The messy. The chaotic. All of it. I also know that me not going on this trip to meet my baby boy with my husband for the first time is God's way of saying... "stay in the waiting room". He has a plan. I have learned through personal experience that what we do while in the waiting room can have a lasting impression on everyone around you. I will also let you in on a little secret. Sitting in the waiting room this past week has been something I don't want to remember. I haven't been the best version of myself. I've allowed myself to forget my own philosophy of everything happening for a reason. I went from being grateful, blessed and completely happy to feeling sad, empty and yes... jealous. I put my own feelings in front of what God has called our entire family to do. My kids, my husband and my in-laws. We are working as one unit. This process of waiting isn't easy on anyone. The biggest one of all... my son. My beautiful baby boy living in China who is waiting. He has waited for 34 months in an orphanage. He has waited for this moment; the moment he is loved beyond measure. He has been in the waiting room the longest. He has waited for the doors to open and a Mommy and Daddy to appear. His waiting cannot even be compared to the waiting that we do on a daily basis. That annoying light to turn green when you are running late. The possible new job and waiting to hear if you have been chosen and yes, even the test results coming back. These cannot compare to a child who waits for a family. A FAMILY. I can look back in my life and pinpoint the times that God has made me wait. Wait when it was painful. When I begged for an answer and nothing came. The bible says that we must, "wait quietly on Him" but this past weekend I wanted to kick and scream instead. After all, why shouldn't I put up a good, honest fight or at least a good display of self-pity- when I don't get what I want when I want it? Why wait when I can try to control everything, including God? I think for me waiting right now is scary. It reminds me of a trapeze artist in midair. With the gut wrenching trust the trapeze artist must fling herself from the security of her rung to the uncertainty of being caught by her partner on the other side. It's in that split second in the air that she is suspended between the two. That is terrifying. I think that is where my heart is right now. I'm flying in the air. I'm waiting on God. I'm waiting to see my baby boy's face, hear an update about his health, see a recent picture. The paperwork is one BIG fat waiting game... wait for one step to only look to the next step and to wait some more. God has led our family to this point. He has put me in the air mindfully so I can do what I have in the past... "trust". I am pulling up my big girl pants today and I am reminding myself that God is working in my heart during this time. He is shaping my character and telling me to walk with grace. God started this journey the moment I saw your face on September 19th. I have waited each day since. The waiting will soon be over my sweet little Lewis. Until that moment I will patiently wait in my waiting room while your Daddy travels to bring you home to your new FOREVER. Your wait is almost over. I cannot wait until our eyes meet. I will patiently wait for you at the bottom of the escalator... arms open, tears flowing and heart racing. I will be waiting. Waiting for YOU.
2 Comments
elizabeth hope
3/8/2017 05:02:42 am
This is so beautiful! praying for you all in this wait and for the joy-filled reunion at the escalator! We have the blessed assurance that the One who controls ALL our waiting is good, and loves us so!
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Joe Rains
3/15/2017 11:53:09 am
A true testament to the meaning of faith. If only every family had a mother like you, so full of faith and love, who so graciously passes it on to anyone with an open heart.
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AuthorI am a proud Mother to eight children and a wife to my very best friend. I work hard, play hard and love until it hurts. Archives
January 2023
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