"Upsetting the "normal" while creating the beautiful." Annette Kruschek |
I have never liked heights. NEVER. My stomach swirls and my palms sweat at the thought of it. These past several weeks Evelyn has taken us up a mountain that is higher than we ever anticipated. Along the way we stopped to look around at the beautiful views. Each time we stopped we took a breath, grabbed our cameras and soaked in the goodness. We've learned that each stop along this journey upward was only temporary. Evelyn reminded us that there was more climbing to do since we weren't quite at the top. She grabbed our hands and told us to keep following her upward.
Well, Evelyn did it... she got us all to the top of the mountain. We made it! Sound the choir, begin the celebration... um, not quite. God intervened and said, "Well done my good and faithful servant" now put your toes to the edge and JUMP. Jump? Wait, what?!! We climbed, we followed Evelyn upward higher than we thought possible and now you are saying JUMP! The view is so beautiful from up here. Dan and I did as you asked and we climbed even when it was hard. Even when the path looked narrow and scary. We have been faithful and now you want us to risk everything and jump! That is my thought process right now. I actually feel as if my husband and I are standing with our toes to the edge and God is telling us to jump. Jump into the unknown. Jump into the danger area. Jump into possible death. BUT then God whispers to me as my toes are literally hanging on the edge with knees trembling... "I am with you. I am catching you as you go. Trust me. I am your safety net." God has never told my husband and I to be reckless but rather to be faithful. Reckless is not thinking things through. Reckless is not having a plan. Reckless is putting fear in control of your life. We said yes to adopting Evelyn knowing her heart was in need of major repair. We said yes to unknowns. We even said yes to the possibility of losing a child... that isn't reckless friends that is pure LOVE. We loved Evelyn even before we physically touched her. God touched us with adoption and we proudly said yes. We said yes to it all... knowing that our toes would some day be standing on the mountain top awaiting one of the biggest jumps of our lives. Today as I was driving and tears were once again welling up inside my eyes I felt the warmth of the sun hitting my face. It was a warm feeling similar to that of a hug from a loved one. I silently told God I felt him. I knew he saw me. My pain and my worry. I began telling him in my mind that I trust him with whatever he brings BUT he needs to hold my hand tomorrow. I reminded him to follow my husband into the operating room. I asked him to cover him with strength while he so bravely watches Evelyn drift off to sleep knowing that his eyes would be the last eyes she sees before her surgery begins. Finally I begged him to keep our girl with us for many many years to come. Whatever lies ahead I am asking him to surround my children, my husband and our family. So while we jump tomorrow I know deep down we aren't free falling. I know that this particular place that God has asked us to jump from has been predetermined by him and him alone. He has lined up a medical team to fight for our daughter. He has aligned an army of friends and family to stand beside us and he has shown us how BIG HE IS when we are faithful to him and his purpose for our lives. I can honestly tell you that the scariest yeses in our lives have produced the greatest of blessings. I have preached and preached about getting out of the boat. I pray that our example in some small way has allowed you, my faithful readers to see that God does show up when we rely on him. Join us tomorrow and walk along side us. We may be jumping BUT WE WILL BEGIN CLIMBING AGAIN once we hit the bottom. Nothing is going to stop us from looking at the beautiful sights from above. The journey isn't always the brightest or most beautiful when you reach your actual destination; It's the actual journey that has the views to be remembered. Evelyn Li Kruschek, your family adores you and your brave heart. Your army of friends and family are moving beside you along the way. Those months of being alone are no longer and your family is here to stay. Someday you will be able to look back and see how your little body and your broken heart mended SO many people in such a big way. You are giving the phrase "Faith Over Fear" an entire new meaning by simply being YOU.
2 Comments
Naomi
12/11/2018 01:59:53 pm
Wow. It is like you are in my head. I feel so much of the same knowing our big open heart surgery is coming in February. I will be fervently praying for all of you!!
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Purrcell Family
12/12/2018 04:36:24 am
Praying with everything we have today for miss Evelyn to have a successful surgery, and for your family to feel God's comforting arms around you while you wait. I pray you feel peace while you wait during surgery, and that you feel all the love and prayers coming to your family today!
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AuthorI am a proud Mother to eight children and a wife to my very best friend. I work hard, play hard and love until it hurts. Archives
January 2023
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