"Upsetting the "normal" while creating the beautiful." Annette Kruschek |
I am sure many of you could think of a time or moments in your life when you saw something; something so sad or frightening that it just made you want to cover your eyes and turn your head away.
These images are my frightening, head turning, eyes shutting, stomach knotting pictures. All three pictures are my son. All three pictures make me want to pretend that this doesn't actually exist. All three pictures is his reality... my son's reality. I was the one who took all these pictures while on my trip to China this past October. I got a firsthand look at what is daily life is like. I saw the loneliness, emptiness and despair. I wish I could just remember the smiles and replay the laughter from video that I captured but the reality is I cannot. In order for me to truly be the advocate that I say I am I must tell you the truth. Let you see the truth, and let you know that turning away and closing our eyes will never change the need that exists. These three pictures show his life right now. Eating on the floor between the legs of a caretaker, laying face down in a gated play area close to another child,( similar to puppies wanting contact with one another) and finally his bed... metal, sterile and cold. This is all my son has ever known. No, he doesn't look malnurished but trust me, he is starving... starving for love, physical contact, a home, attention and a family. We are working fiercely to bring him home as soon as possible. Yes, he has a complex heart condition. Yes, we did know that before we agreed to adopting him. Yes, we realize how expensive adoption is. Yes, yes and yes. But it isn't about these questions... it is about these pictures. These pictures have pierced my heart and my mind. These pictures cannot be replaced by an easier and less chaotic schedule, these pictures cannot take the place of indulging more, giving our kids bigger and better "things", these pictures will not be erased from the hearts or our family. Our life isn't about things... it is about people. The struggle is real. The pain is raw. Tonight as I write I want to have a pity party. I want to cry and scream at the unfairness of this world. I just laid my littlest children down for the night. They all said their prayers and added their little brother Lewis to their special intention list. I get a lump in my throat because I can envision his metal crib. I want to pretend I forgot how cold it looked but I cannot. I want to turn off my computer and not click on the videos but tonight I cannot. I can't turn away. I won't turn away. I honor my adopted children by never turning away. I will let the sting pierce my heart time and time again because that is when I know God is working inside of me. "He breaks my heart for what breaks his." Tomorrow I will take a deep breath and push the pain down into its little space that no one can see. Tomorrow I begin again. Hand in hand with my children and my husband... we fight and never turn away.
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AuthorI am a proud Mother to eight children and a wife to my very best friend. I work hard, play hard and love until it hurts. Archives
January 2023
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